We’ve Already Been Exhausted for 8 Years, and That’s Why it Feels Different This Time

Thoughts from a burnout expert

It’s been a hard couple of weeks for Americans who are concerned about the person we just elected to lead our country for another four years.

It’s been hard, but it feels different this time than in 2016. This is a theme I’ve been hearing from people (we therapists start to pick up on themes), and it’s been my experience, too.

Why is it different? For one thing, we’re less naïve now. The assumption that most Americans share a similar vision of how we want “the arc of the moral universe” to “bend toward justice?”¹ That assumption has already been shattered.

It also feels different because we’ve already been going through extremely stressful times for the past eight years. Let’s review. Since 2016 we’ve had Trump round one, an attempt to overthrow the 2020 election results, conspiracy theories galore, lies, authoritarian threats, and misogynic, racist, and xenophobic rhetoric. Meanwhile we’ve had the chronic stress of living through a pandemic, horrific wars, mass shootings, economic uncertainty, climate crisis, political divisiveness, a rise of global authoritarianism, and so on. It’s been exhausting.

We’ve been so ready to “move on” from the covid pandemic and other major stressors, to resume a sense of normalcy, that perhaps we haven’t fully processed what we’ve already been through.

And here we are again, facing more turbulent times and an uncertain future ahead. A few months ago, in the “Stress in America 2024” survey (conducted by the American Psychological Association), 77% of adults reported that the future of our nation is a significant source of stress in their lives. At this point, Americans know exactly who Trump is and what he stands for. He’s been consistent about his plans. And now he has less constraint, more power, nothing to lose, and four years of experience that will make him more competent at his agenda. Leaders like him intentionally create chaos so that people grow weary. They use “shock politics,”² taking advantage of people’s disorientation following a collective shock, to push their agendas through. It’s no wonder that since the election, many people have been experiencing a range of emotions - disappointment, grief, anger, stress, uncertainty, and fear of what lies ahead.

It’s easy to imagine the chronic stress and burnout that lie ahead for the next four years. This is a “buckle up” moment for therapists like me, who live in liberal, urban parts of America. The flood gates of suffering are opening again, like they did during the pandemic, and we are seeing the toll on people’s wellbeing.

Another theme: “I can’t respond the same way again”

Another theme I’ve been hearing from many people is a desire to engage with political events in a different way this time. The personal toll of the last eight years has been too high, and we can’t let ourselves get as weary and depleted again. We want to take action that is more effective and less draining.

I’ll share my own experience. I’ve lost MANY nights of sleep as I tried to navigate the stressors of the world while also dealing with my personal stress as a middle-aged working mom of two young kids. This was at its worst for me in 2020-2021, during the Covid pandemic and that year’s stressful presidential election and its aftermath.

One of my most immediate reactions to this year’s election was a strong sense that I don’t want that level of sleep impairment to happen to me again. I am better rested now and have found ways³ to keep myself from slipping back into insomnia. Instead of defaulting to a constantly aroused sympathetic nervous system mode, I need to prioritize sleep, keep my stress level in check, and allow myself time to rest and recharge.

I know I am not alone in this. Getting worn down is its own form of defeat, and we don’t want that to happen again this time.

Fortunately, we’ve learned a lot over the last eight years. We have the wisdom of experience on our side. This time we can see burnout coming, plan for it, and take active steps to prevent it.

Self-care is not complacency. It’s a necessity.

By trying to protect ourselves from burning out, we aren’t “giving up” and aren’t planning to passively stand by without doing anything. Preventing burnout is not complacency! We will still speak up and take political and social justice action. We will not bury our heads in the sand or lose our determination.

It is possible to care for ourselves and care about the state of the world at the same time.

As Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg wrote in her book Real Change: Mindfulness to Heal Ourselves and the World:

“Deep acceptance is not inertness,” and being mindfully compassionate toward ourselves can “provide tools to help courage grow out of rage and resilience out of grief.”

If anyone reading this ever feels guilty about prioritizing themselves when the world is such a mess (like I sometimes do!), please consider the wise words of writer and activist Audre Lorde:

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

We have much to learn from the wisdom of Black activists, who are well aware of the personal toll of fighting for justice in the face of oppression, and have long used self-care as tool for social justice and survival.  

A burnout expert’s advice to prevent four years of burnout

So, what exactly can we do to protect ourselves from burning out again this time? I’m an expert on burnout, and for the last two weeks I’ve been thinking hard about how we can approach this moment, and the years that lie ahead. I want to be able to help myself, my friends and family, my clients, and YOU get through the years ahead with our mental health intact.

Now is the time to gather up your internal resources, and your community support, and make a plan for caring for yourself!

In general, I recommend by starting with a hefty dose of self-awareness. Check in with yourself regularly, to see how you are doing. A little emotional awareness and openness go a very long way.

Ask yourself what you need right now. What do you need physically? Emotionally? Do you need support? Rest? Movement? A glass of water? A break from the news?

Make two lists: 1. What recharges you and 2. What depletes you. You might feel recharged by relaxing activities (like time on the couch with a mindless show), or with energizing activities (like a night out with friends). Or you might need a little of both.

Think about habits that you use to cope with stress in the short-term, and whether those help you in the long term. I am the last person to judge you for using the occasional “vice” - like comfort food, drowning your sorrows, or distraction – to make it through an especially tough day. I used chicken wings, pizza, and white wine to help me cope with election night, and I don’t regret it!  But if you’re over-using those and they are causing you to feel worse in the long run, consider what changes might be beneficial to your wellbeing.   

Once you’ve thought about all of this, make a self-care plan for the months ahead, and be ruthless in implementing it. Even when it feels like the world is burning down, you can find small ways to care for yourself.  

Let’s Get Specific

Here are a few more specific recommendations, based on my own experience of what’s important. You know yourself best and should do what works for you.  But if any of these ideas resonate, feel free to use them.

Limit your news and social media consumption

I will not be a “bury my head in the sand” person who rests in my privilege and ignores what’s happening in the world. I must bear witness. But does late night doomscrolling do the world any good? No, it does not.

• I recommend keeping up with the news but limiting the dose and taking breaks. Perhaps only check the news once or twice per day, not every time you pull out your phone. Turn off news alerts, to avoid constant activation of your sympathetic nervous system.

• When you’re starting to feel exhausted and tipping toward burnout, consider stepping away for a few days and focusing on other areas of your life for a while. Again, think long-term sustainability.

• Pick your news sources thoughtfully. Do not get your news from social media influencers, extreme cable news “personalities,” or sources that perpetuate conspiracy theories and outrage journalism. Try to resist the temptation to go down the rabbit hole of reading “the comments section,” that cesspool of humanity.

• Stay grounded, and do not fall prey to “shock politics.”⁴ Take a breath, reorient yourself, repeat.

Prioritize sleep and rest

We’ve been taught that rest is a luxury we have to earn through hard work, and when we are stressed, it’s often the first thing to go. Here I will turn to the words of artist and activist Tricia Hersey, author of the book Rest as Resistance.

“This rest movement is not some cute and frivolous idea but instead an intentional disruption against very violent systems. It has the potential to save lives and restore bodies and minds. It is healing work that will not be easy. It is a resistance wrapped in softness and bold enough to stand up to the powers that be and quietly and loudly proclaim, ‘We Will Rest!’”   

- Tricia Hersey, Rest as Resistance, p. 78-79

Consider taking Tricia Hersey’s advice, and allow yourself permission to rest.

Continue to do life-affirming things

Even in dark times, it is okay to watch comedies. To gather for community events. To listen to music, dance, read books for pleasure. It’s not just okay, it’s important. Keep doing it. Don’t allow the political situation to rob you of your humanity. The human spirit must persevere!  

Go easy on yourself

One problem I had back in my insomnia period of 2020-21 was that I was expecting myself to function at my usual level. I had my kids home doing school online, and was doing all of my usual professional activities, during a time of very high stress. I regret not going easier on myself, and I want to approach things differently this time.

This is a good time to practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself feel whatever you feel. If you find that you’re not focusing as well as usual, or having trouble keeping up with everything, remind yourself that makes sense. If possible, keep your stress level in check and try not to overwork right now. Don’t push yourself to function at your highest capacity all the time.

I started writing this essay a couple of days after election. I wanted to get something out right away, because it felt urgent. But it took me this long, because I didn’t want to stress over rushing something out quickly. That’s me going easy on myself. You can do it too.

Prioritize community and find solidarity

Supportive family, friends, coworkers, neighbors. We have to support each other, lean on each other, laugh together. We need each other right now!  This is a good time to get support, find solidarity, and take collective action together.

Attend to your life

When things feel overwhelming, it can help to focus on taking values-consistent action in the microcosm of your own life.

For me, I can always focus on two important areas of my life: 1. Trying to raise my children to be decent human beings, and 2. My job as a therapist, supporting humans who are suffering. It doesn’t always feel like enough, but it keeps me going, and it feels like my actions matter.

Just remember, you can always go back to your values and take one small step.

Take hopeful action toward a better future

When I’m struggling to feel hopeful about the state of the world, it helps me to think of hope as an action rather than a feeling. The feeling of hope will come and go, but taking action – in small ways and big – is a form of hope that we can utilize even when we can’t access the feeling of hope.

I can’t take on full responsibility for fixing the world. I’m one person among hundreds of millions of Americans. But my actions do matter. I can volunteer. Donate. Speak out. Call politicians. Bear witness to what’s happening. Support local causes. Engage with my community. Come together with other people for mutual aid and collective action. (If you need ideas, I can link to a few resources here and here and here and here and here that might be helpful. UPDATE: Here, here, and here are a few new sources of inspiration. Also, read Naomi Klein’s book Doppleganger if you want a better understanding of what’s going on.)

This is a good time to be thoughtful about where to put your energy and effort. Ideally, find hopeful actions that are aligned with your values, realistic, impactful, and sustainable to you as a person. Activists can be prone to burnout, if they take on too much responsibility. Pace yourself.

There are people all around us who are doing good in the world. I recently interviewed

Diana M. Smith

on my podcast. I think about my conversation with her frequently. She pointed out that, “There are thousands of organizations across the country looking for you right now to help, and you will feel a lot less despairing once you start helping.” In her work, she has studied thousands of people in groups that are "making extraordinary advances that would make all of your listeners just ecstatic to hear.” She recommends a few organizations (such as here and here and here) that seek to elevate American politics beyond misinformation, extremist positions, and toxic divisiveness.

Finally, in Diana’s words in our interview:

“None of us should sit on the sidelines. All of us need to be active. All of us need to care. All of us need to get involved. There is no reason for helplessness because we are not helpless. We may feel it, deeply, but it's not true. It's an artifact of our media. Find out how to help. It's out there.”

-Diana M. Smith, on Psychologists Off the Clock episode 371.

1. To paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

2. Thank you

Naomi Klein

for this term!

3. The sleep cocktail that works for me? A combination of low-dose estrogen, magnesium and vitamin E supplements before bed, reading instead of screens after 9 pm, and keeping my overall stress level in check.

4. Again, thank you

Naomi Klein